I know it's a good thing. You see, every year, I set a goal for myself. Buy a house. Check. Buy a car. Check. Go back to school. Check. Move across the country...well, that one didn't pan out. But it was a goal. This year, nothing. I have nothing. I have no goals. And that's a good thing.
I've done all that I've wanted to do. It's either completed or in process. There's only one thing that I want -- a serious, committed relationship. The thing is, I can't control that. There's nothing else I can do. I'm out there. I'm open. I hope, I pray, I'm tired. I can't make that a goal. I know it will happen when it happen. Sadly, as I've believed it would happen every year for the past 9 years, I no longer believe it will happen this year. Or the next. Or the next. I think I'm losing hope. And that makes me blah.
But I'm grateful to be alive. I'm grateful for every great thing I've been able to accomplish, and for every great thing to come. I know that he knows my future. I know he knows who he is sending to me. So, I just wait. But I can't say, for sure that I believe anymore. Maybe I should ask for my hope to be restored. Yeah. I'll do that.
