The Silent Treatment

Nothing frustrates women more than the silent treatment. We are social beings. Communication means everything.

Now how women prefer to communicate is a very individual thing. Some of us are direct; some are elusive and petty, hoping men will figure out what they are feeling. Some women prefer face-to-face; others phone; even others text messaging and IMing. But regardless of the way women communicate, at the end of the day women want to talk.

When a woman stops talking and stops trying to talk with a man, know that the relationship is over. Period. It's done and he can't get back in. All of her fight is gone. He is no longer worth fighting for in her eyes.

When a man stops talking, guess what? It means the exact same thing. No, he's not just really busy at work right now. He's actually too busy for you.  Silent treatment means you are not on his to do list.

So what do you do if you find yourself on the receiving end of the silent treatment? 

1. Recognize and accept the situation. Your repeated phone calls, emails, IM, etc., will NOT make a difference.

2. STOP calling, emailing, IMing, etc.

3. Get your own business. Some women will delete the guy's contact information at this point. I've never been one of those girls. You never know when a contact will come in handy. Just get busy. Pick up a hobby. Reconnect with your girls. Do something.

4. Stop obsessing over what happened. At the end of the day, this was simply not the guy for you. You did nothing wrong (unless you did do something wrong). Nothing you can do can change the outcome, so, stop. You are fabulous, and beautiful and someone out there will notice. Just not that guy.

5. Don't be afraid to remain open for love. The problem with getting hurt is that you are afraid to try again. BIG mistake. Do remain open to love. Don't shut yourself off from men. They are not all bad. Most are great guys. Many are just not the great guy for you. They make the best friends too.  You never know, the next guy could be one of the ones. Shoot the guy who stopped talking to you could be a one at a later date. But please, just remain open so you'll be ready when it's time. 

For Big Girls Only

I titled my blog "For Big Girls Only" cause it's a saying that my best friend and me often repeat when we're talking about love and boys. I mean, this game really is just for big girls only.

I have been Dr. Ruth for my friends for as long as I remember. Since most of my life was spent in a relationship, and I have great friendships with men, my girls are often asking what they should do when it comes to matters of the heart.

I'll tell you like I tell them. It's so simple. Please be honest. Just be real. This whole thing is NOT for little girls. There's no time to be scared. There's no time to be afraid of what he will do or say when you tell him how you feel.

If you tell him how you feel, two things will happen:

1. He will respond favorably and tell you he feels the same way.

2. He will tell you he doesn't feel the same way by being blunt and upfront, disappearing, or changing the subject.

You have a 50-50 chance. It's a complete coin toss. Yes, No. 2 will hurt your feelings, but at least you will know the truth. You won't have wasted three months and countless of hours trying to decipher hidden messages in emails if you simply tell him how you feel. Yes it hurts, but if you find out sooner than later, it will be better in the long run. 

Again, yes. It will hurt. But guess what. You will survive. On to the next. Or, you will know how to best stalk him into loving you in the future. :-)

Love. It's for big girls only. Are you ready to grow up?

Fighting Sleep

It is nearly midnight and I have mere hours left to finalize my next hustle. Body is weary, spirit is weak, but hope springs eternal. 

Many things have led me to this moment. This day. This destiny. Can't let a little sleep keep me from doing me. Gotta keep it moving. Gotta keep it tight. It's the only way I know how to roll.

So as the Gospel song says, "99 and a half won't do". I gotta make 100. So, sleep get off my back. There will be plenty of time to rest when I get to the top.

The Miseducation of DeannaDivine

Yeah, I know it's been a month since I've updated. Yeah, I know.

But if you knew what my life has been like in the past month, you would understand that you can be too busy to blog about that life.

I did it. I've enrolled in school. I begin tomorrow. I just took a look at the syllabus, and all I know is I have no idea HOW I'm gonna do this. I can't begin to tell you how much reading is involved. Not only do I have to read, but I'm going to have to participate. I had to order 6 books! Woosah!

That's all I can say about that. I'm also enacting Operation Change My Life. I'm doing all the things I've wanted to do, but have been to scared, complacent, lazy, etc., to do. 

(By the way, no I don't include school in this Operation. I NEVER wanted to go back to school. But when you finally get a lightbulb to fire about what you think you wanna do when you grow up, you gotta move forward.)

So, Operation Change My Life. I cut my hair. I needed low maintenance. Easy, Breezy, Beautiful, for this next chapter. Up next is Lasik. Because I don't have time to be fooling with glasses for this next phase of my life. Gotta keep things moving. Don't need sweaty/fogged lenses. Working out. If for nothing else than to manage the stress. Gotta get it moving. Possibly a new city. Possibly a new job. Possibly a new boo. Possibly, possibly, possibly.

In this process, I'm learning a lot about myself. I'm learning that with faith, coupled with works, nothing is impossible. I'm learning that if I truly want something, I have everything I need to make it happen. I'm learning there will always be money, and there will always be debt, but the way I manage both is the key.

Needless to say, I'm learning a lot. At times I wonder what's stopped me all these years? But then again, I know I've arrived to these decisions right on time. God's timing is not ours. So I'm not beating myself up. I'm just flowing in the time that is now. Learning, loving and laughing along the way!

Choices

I'm learning something about myself. Sometimes, it's hard to simply stay true to what you want. It's an awesome thing to have options. It reminds you how blessed you are to live in this country where freedom is attainable. I can be educated. I can be successful. I can be. Whatever. So here are these options. And they are all great options. But what do I want? I mean really. What do I want? And what am I willing to do to obtain that? How do I allow myself to not be persuaded by the options but stick to my guns? My destiny.  I haven't figured it all out yet. But I'm getting closer daily.

Resurrection

Today is Easter. Resurrection Sunday.

I woke up after sleeping for 11 hours and decided to go to church. I've just been tired lately. So busy with life. But I decided to go to church anyway. You know what I realized, church is great. There's nothing better than fellowshipping with the saints. But you know what, I'm ok when I just praise him in bed, at home. My daily conversations are wonderful blessings for me. Me and Jesus alone is alright with me.

But back to the conversation at hand. Resurrection. God has resurrected my dreams and ideas for myself lately. I'm back to just feeling like I'll be able to do me from here on out. I've talked to people. I have new opportunities lining up. I start my Masters in May. I'll get closer to my family.  I'm just excited.

Lord, thanks for bringing my dreams to life again.

Off the Bus

I was sick for a week. Literally sick. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I couldn't really do anything. I muddled through work until my body just said "no." I slept. I felt badly. When I feel like that, I just want a little support from the people I love. Well, let me be honest. I want it from the person I love.

Just check on me. Make sure I'm breathing and alive. Tell me you hope I feel better. Tell me you love me. Just general sayings that let me know you're there. Yeah. That's love to me. Unfortunately, I didn't get that. Many calls, texts, FB IM attempts, and nothing. Never heard back from him. 

You know what that means to me? You don't have my back. I can't depend on you. It's bad enough you didn't check on me, but then you also didn't return my calls. So, I'm not on your "to do" list. I have no priority in your life. So, I have to be real with myself and let it go.

The truth is, I'm a 31 year old woman who wants to be married and have at least one beautiful baby. Preferably a girl.  Being honest with myself, I realize that I make decisions to stay in situations that aren't quite right for a bit too long because I'm holding out for the dream. I WANT it to work. Because I DO love you. I  actually care about you. And, I don't do that easily. I don't let people into my circle often.  And you know that about me. And, yes, I'm getting older. And unfortunately, I no longer believe that there's just another love bus right around the corner. I think you have to be in the right place at the right time, because buses do stop running. And they often stop running when you need one the most.

But either way, I have to get off this particular bus. I have to let it go. It's taking me down the wrong path. I gave up depression a long time ago. I can't willingly hitch a ride that's headed toward destruction. So, thanks for the ride. There were a lot of fun times. I have no regrets. 

But damn, I really hoped that would be my last ride...